Wk4_Comment 1: Elaine Scott

Elaine wrote:

There are so many concepts of my life I can apply Zanders philosophies to both personally and professionally. However, as I write this passage, at this very moment my thoughts are with the five at-risk youth I am trying to work with. I stress trying because as life ‘is what it is’ for me, I had to realize it is the same for them. I may not be able to change them, well influence their beliefs is a better and more appropriate phrase. I can only lead by example, show them I sincerely love and care for them and want the best that life can offer, feed them positivity and show them the possible outcome.

How I pay-forward is in my passion and unending desire to help, I tell those I meet how I feel about them, I am not afraid to show or express myself. Even when my kindness is misunderstood or turned away it hurts but as the Zanders stated Life just is and there are things we have to accept. We make the attempts and if lucky and pushed hard enough sometimes the results are right on. Truth and reality, however, lets me know it may not always be that way. I am only responsible for the effort not necessarily the outcome. Which is why Zanders speaks so against blaming oneself.

I can only hope for the future of these five young men. I know that I have touched them in more ways than they express, for I see the changes, the smiles, the report cards, and occasionally I get an actual “thank you Elaine for helping me.” What is hard to muster is that it is not from all five of them. That two or three of them are showing signs of regression and that is difficult. I asked the questions still, “Why aren’t they listening to me? Why can’t they seem that the pathway they are choosing will hold the possibility of assured struggles? What didn’t I do right?” So I follow Zander’s advice and can only focus on the part that I played, while continuing to be there and just simply do the best I can for or by them. I have no power over all the circumstances in their lives. My job wasn’t to fix them but to show them a better way and hope that in those learnings, the young men would gain a better light of themselves just enough to make a change. I have left the spark at times I see it turn into a fire that ignites the positive changes I mentioned. So I will hope that if the fire goes out that maybe the spark I left will ignite again but at a time that may be better suited for them.

I have met many great and inspiring people during my journey at Full Sail. I hope that at some point I will get back on track financially and obtain that career that will allow me to work with others who have the talent of loving, giving, and receiving. I look forward to my growth for I know that I will continue to use that growth to inspire others and to watch all the imaginings come true.

I responded:

I empathize with you Elaine. It sounds like you pour so much of yourself into these kids and I agree it is discouraging to not see the 100% results that was, of course, your mission. Darn it, in the starfish story, it seems like those starfish stay in the water after the person throws them back in, right? All I can say is don't give up and take a moment when you need to, to acknowledge it is what it is and then look for what else could be. Also, since you are an inspiration to others, it is just logical to also look to gain inspiration from others. Nurture and BE NURTURED. I think women have a tendency to forget the second step. So much of our mythology, our fairy tales and folklore has to do with being a steadfast and willing sacrifice, with no mention of the times then others bolster us up in return. I can't take credit for this advice; I remember Oprah and her guests discussed that nurturing and renewal need to be a cycle so we don't burn out.

In the spirit of renewal, or at least renewed hope:
I have an idea. I read "We Beat the Street" cowritten by three doctors who made it out of tough Newark, NJ and the ups and downs that happened in their lives. Read it and through it you may realize that it may just be a wrong turn that is a wake-up call and gets them more focused on the good habits.