Wk3_Reading: Lead from any chair

I found myself getting teary as I read this chapter.  I found it incredible and thrilling; the empowerment and active engagement of the players is exactly what I want in my classroom!  If I need white sheets, so be it.  If I need guest conductors, so be it.  In the past, when I've tried things like this, I've met with resistance and I think I let it discourage me too soon.  Wendy Drexler's study, which I have cited in my lit review described the resistance of kids who do not always welcome the added responsibility for their own learning, and I think this is similar.  Ben does not tell us of times when he chose someone too shy or just too disinclined to conduct that day.  I wish he had.  I need to know that it doesn't always work out in a sunshiny way.  I work with ninth graders who, for reasons entirely their own, do not want to cooperate just yet.  I think his question, "Who am I being that their eyes are not shining?" is a good question, but it needs to be tempered with a bit of reality.  Kids come to me with all sorts of problems, and my classroom approach is not a panacea!

I'm thinking of a particular boy this year, Zach S.  Zach's last name in our district is synonymous with problems; talk about the cycle of violence, poverty, crime and just general nasty attitudes!  A colleague, who is a distant cousin of Zach's, told me a little bit about the family and the drama that just seems to explode from every member.  The colleague felt very lucky to have escaped that family's vortex, having graduated college and become a teacher himself.  So, Zach's father's side of the family is a dramatically negative influence in his life.  I learned from Zach's mother and stepfather that Zach's parents had divorced but that his mother had to keep several jobs to keep the family financially afloat.  As the stepfather put it, Zach was left with a lot of spare time an little guidance; he resisted the structure and rules that came with a stepparent joining the family.  Zach told me when his mom was single he had been left in the care of an older brother who was cruel at times.  So, his upbringing led to his current problems.  Simply put, Zach was just fighting all of us.  He hated everyone, even me.  When I asked him  to focus on the task at hand, I noticed he wanted to debate me; wasting class time was his M.O.  I honestly can say I tried to reason with him, using detentions as time to talk.  I could sense his pain behind his defiance.   And that's how the school year went.  Assignments came and went and every time he missed a deadline, I offered him time to work after school, reminding him it was up to him to make some steps to get his work done and I'd be there to help him do it well.  I am proud that I never yelled or lost my cool with him; sure, I was exasperated, but I ended up saying, "Listen, I'm not battling or debating you here.  Let's just get this done..."  In the last weeks of school, I saw his attitude change and he did stay after and did a nice job on his final project.  I can't take any credit for what happened because I really think HE made it happen.  But my point is I may have helped it happen.  I'd revise Ben's statement about shining eyes to say, "What can I try to help his eyes shine?"  A teacher or conductor doesn't have absolute power but has power nonetheless.

And when I look back at the ten years of kids I've had in my class, I can't say I've had a dramatic impact on ALL of them*.  It's like the starfish story-- I make a difference for as many as I can.  Some kids smile shyly at me in the grocery store years later, others rush up to me to chat and still others avoid my eyes awkwardly.  But I think Ben would still give me an A, and I'm going to give myself an A, for sincerely trying every year, with every kid.  I think that's what counts.

*It IS exciting when you can hear back from kids as they graduate and beyond.  This weekend I was invited to a grad party for a girl who volunteered to paint backdrops with me for the school talent show year after year.  I grew to just love Tess!  At this party, the parents and the older sisters each told me separately throughout the evening that they were so glad I came and that they were so grateful for the "good influence" I had on Tess throughout high school.  Tess is planning a career in art therapy, so she will pay it forward to countless others.  I am humbled and grateful I have an opportunity to impact my local community in such a powerful way.